Why am I still hostile towards you?
It’s been 2 years. You never really liked me the way I liked you, I was naive.
I think this was the closest thing to love that I’ve ever experienced. I remember how sweet you were. We used to talk everyday. I remember that summer so well. I remember the notes you wrote. I remember how you smell, it’s stained in my memory. I remember how we would walk, how we would talk. I remember how I consoled you. The problem is that I remember too much and you don’t.
Vividly I remember when the school year started. Where were you then? You just stopped talking to me out of no where. What hurt me the most? That you found new friends? Was it the new best friend that you flaunted in front of me daily? Was it the sudden silent treatment? Was it that I never knew what caused it? Or was it the sudden realization that I was wrong about you ever liking me?
I have to thank you though. You made me the person I am today, mentally and physically. I believe it was karma; you got your just deserts, and I got what I deserved. I changed over that next summer, and showed that I didn’t need you or your pity friendship. It felt good to show you that I didn’t need you and that I was actually better off without you.The worst part is that I still had feelings for you that I didn’t know I still had.
Progressively throughout senior year I was comfortable in thinking that I was finally over you. I was wrong. I don’t know what it was but I craved attention from you. Even if it was minuscule, I needed it. You kept pulling me in, and I though maybe this time it would be different. Again, I was wrong.
I feel this need to ignore you and give you the cold shoulder. It’s my defense mechanism. I know that if I try and get close, I’ll get hurt. You’ll never reciprocate the feelings I had for you and now I’ve come to terms with it. That’s fine.
But not really.